Brothers Forever
by ElixirStar
Summary: a short oneshot about Germany and Prussia's amazing time together! omg omg omg the feels! may become longer if people want me to continue it
1. Prussia is Awesome

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." – Ali MacGraw,_ Love Story_

_Malibu, California ~ 0:35_

* * *

"So... brother..." Prussia gently placed the palm of his hand and cupped Germany's cheek. A soft kiss soon followed. The amount of feels I'm getting right now is incomprehensible. "Are you ready to have some fun?"

**BOOOM BOOOM SMACKASMACKASMAKCACRACKACRAK CACRAKCA SEEEEEXXXXXX**

Germany and Prussia both had tons of fun and regretted nothing. Their love could conquer all, bitches.

After they both "cleaned up", Germany insisted he had to leave. He had "Germany things" to cater to. Prussia was infuriated and shot him... ten times. His corpse lie dead on the floor and Prussia chucked manically as police sirens began to close in on Prussia's California villa. Prussia tried to burn the body and drown it down the bathtub, but it didn't work. The time was high. Prussia gathered his clothes as fast as he could and hurriedly stuffed them into his pink rhinestoned suitcase and fell out of the window. A trash can nearly broke his fall, but he was okay.

* * *

_Five Months Later..._

_Prague, Czech Republic ~ 13:48_

* * *

"Can you spare a dime? A penny?"

HAHAHA PRUSSIA BECAME THE TALK OF THE TOWN HAAAA Mr. I Have No Money

Suddenly, Prussia noticed a red-haired beauty with a long curl increasing his hair's height by a few inches. What the fuck was Italy doing here?

The beauty noticed Prussia and quickly scurried away. "ITALY! ITALY! ITALY! I CAN FUCKING SEE YOU!"

Italy stole a hat from a nearby cart and ran away from Prussia. "Damn... he's got a nice ass..."

The computer whirring inside Prussia's head began to work into overdrive.

**INITIATE HUMAN TRACKING SYSTEM**

**Name: Feliciano Vargas**

**Birthplace: Rome, Italy**

**Residence: London, United Kingdom**

**Currently heading to: Shanghai, China**

"MWAHAHAHAHA ITALY I NOW WHERE YOU ARE AT ALL TIMES YOU CUNT"

Prussia's awesome devilish smile followed. You know you love it, bitch.

* * *

_Shanghai, China ~ 14:43_

* * *

**"GERMANY AND ITALY KISSING?! WAIT, HOW THE FUCK IS HE ALIVE"** Prussia couldn't believe his eyes. Germany, the love of his life, in the arms of another man! Prussia ran up to Italy and he uttered some... erm... interesting words...

"You should be promoted to Cunt Manager AKA Boyfriend Stealer.

Do you really expect your delusional and incoherent ramblings to be read? Everyone plonked you long ago. Do you fantasize that your tantrums and conniption fits could possibly be worth the $0.000000001 worth of electricity used to send them? Your life is one big W.O.M.B.A.T. and your future doesn't look promising either. We need to trace your bloodline and terminate all siblings and cousins in order to cleanse humanity of your polluted genes. The good news is that no normal human would ever mate with you, so we won't have to go into the sewers in search of your dignity.

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a loathsome disease, a drooling inbred cross-eyed toesucker. You make Quakers shout and strike Pentecostals silent. You have a version 1.0 mind in a version 6.12 world. Your mother had to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get your dog to play with you. You believe that P.D.Q. Bach is the greatest composer who ever lived. You prefer L. Ron Hubbard to Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle. Hee-Haw is too deep for you. You would watch test patterns all day if the other inmates would let you.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. Spammers look down on you. Phone * operators hang up on you. Telemarketers refuse to be seen in public with you. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. May you choke on your own foolish opinions. You are a Pusillanimous galactophage and you wear your sister's training bra. Don't bother opening the door when you leave - you should be able to slime your way out underneath. I hope that when you get home your mother runs out from under the porch and bites you.

You smarmy lagerlout *. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking half-twit. You dankish clack-dish *. You gormless crook-pated *. You bloody churlish boil-brained clot pole ponce. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You cockered bum-bailey *. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. May your spouse be blessed with many *.

You are so clueless that if you dressed in a clue skin, doused yourself in clue musk, and did the clue dance in the middle of a field of * clues at the height of clue mating season, you still would not have a clue. If you were a movie you would be a double feature; _Battlefield_Earth_ and _Moron_Movies_II_. You would be out of focus.

You are a fiend and a sniveling coward, and you have bad breath. You are the unholy spawn of a bandy-legged hobo and a syphilitic camel. You wear strangely mismatched clothing with oddly placed stains. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing that you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. You are jetsam who dreams of becoming flotsam. You won't make it. I beg for sweet death to come and remove me from a world which became unbearable when you crawled out of a harpy's lair.

It is hard to believe how incredibly stupid you are. Stupid as a stone that the other stones make fun of. So stupid that you have traveled far beyond stupid as we know it and into a new dimension of stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid cubed. Trans-stupid stupid. Stupid collapsed to a singularity where even the stupons have collapsed into stuponium. Stupid so dense that no intelligence can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot summer day on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one minute than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. It cannot be possible that anything in our universe can really be this stupid. This is a primordial fragment from the original big stupid bang. A pure extract of stupid with absolute stupid purity. Stupid beyond the laws of nature. I must apologize. I can't go on. This is my epiphany of stupid. After this experience, you may not hear from me for a while. I don't think that I can summon the strength left to mock your moronic opinions and malformed comments about boring trivia or your other drivel. Duh.

The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of what you wrote, because, well ... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things to be difficult. If I had known that this was true in your case then I would have never have exposed myself to what you wrote. It just wouldn't have been "right." Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.

P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, EDLINoid, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dyspeptic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, abrasive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-*, puerile, and Generally Not Good."

Prussia's awesome. You can never deny that. He walked off like Beyoncé at the Super Bowl.


	2. Brotherly Buttsex

_January 28, 2013_

_Seoul, South Korea ~ 15:42_

* * *

Germany and Prussia had hot **buttsex** after Hungary like broke in and almost killed them

they still need to find the culprit

oh well it can wait until chapter 3


	3. You're so Fucking Cute

_February 5, 2013_

_0:13 _

_Budapest, Hungary_

* * *

"Brudda, ily" Prussia gently kissed Germany's neck

"ily 2, but who is this culprit?" Prussia loves Germany 3

"who cares, we can just have sex all day" Germany laughed out loud and an erection begun to show

"teehee, someone's happy to see me"

"i am, i love you that's all" aw, what brotherly love

"i love going around the world and fucking in these hotel rooms, its so hot"

BOOM KNOCK BOOM KNOCK

"Bitches, it's time! Hungary is here, frying pan in hand! Come out you faggots!"

oh fucking hell no

Germany brought a spare gun loaded with pot (Russia dealt it to him on the street)

"bitch go away we need to make passionate love" Prussia is so protective 3

"I'm not a princess... OH wait, yes I am! HAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH FUCK YOU. Guards, use the Batttering Pan!" BOOM Hungary was in their hotel room

a maid jumped out from the closet and distracted Hungary and her men

"Silence, you heathen!" Hungary, using her rhinestoned red high heel, pushed the maid towards the balcony and her fat ass went down 34 floors slower than a snail

too bad when she got to the bottom she crushed two people

bye Consuela, never loved and never did anything

"GRRRRRRR, USING A MAID TO DISTRACT MY FABULOUS ASS?! HA! I DON'T THINK SO!" Hungary shouted fiercely

Prussia motioned to Germany to get the parachute under his ass

"oh thats what that was" Germany whispered

"you're so fucking cute 3"

"Don't you realise who I am? Do you not understand me? Let me put in a language you'll understand, fags!"

"HUNGARY PAN POWER, COME TO ME!"

"Megöllek álmodban ma este. Soha nem fogod látni a család és a barátok soha többé. Én fog okozni, oly sok fájdalmat fogsz meghalni azonnal. Ne, bármilyen eszközzel, becsüld meg. Tudom, hogy én vagyok szép. Nem kell mondanod kétszer. Te tudott, és szeretném ezt. Azonban a valódi probléma az Ön számára. Ez van és lesz örökké én kötelességem, hogy megszüntesse egyszer és mindenkorra. Vagyok hercegnő. Én vagyok egy istennő. Én vagyok Magyarországon."

strangely enough, Prussia and Germany understood her

"okay fine we'll let you kidnap us" Prussia winked at Germ

"Hahahaha, splendid! I hope you like jail..."

Prussia and German yran over to the balcony and jumped off before Hungary could stop them

"FUCK YOU BBBBIIIIIITTTTTCCCCHHHHH..." Prussia screamed as Germany and he fell

OH NO THEIR PARACHUTE WASN'T OPENING

HELP

HALP

HALP

HALP

HELP

HELP

WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?

find out in chapter 4 hoes

-E. Star


	4. Prussia's Letter to Germany

Hey Germany, just wanted to let you know how much of a sexy time explosion I would love to make while we hug with sparkle rainbows and we're all like woooahh what's happening this is the most electric thing I have ever felt and then we realize it's because we're standing next to and apparently touching the wires of the electric fence that hold all the dinosaurs in at Jurrasic Park especially the cage with the velociraptors and we're like omg don't touch that it hurts so much and it's making our hair stand up and now my skin kind of burns but not like a rash burn more like a oh wow my flesh is like burning off kind of burn and we realize that it's not because we are hugging it's because we're being electrocuted so we decide to stop and you're all like well why don't we just go over to my house and we can ride bike or roller blade and if you like chocolate milk i have that too and my mom also buys me dunkaroos although we're not supposed to eat them all the time but she doesn't get home from work until 530 so we have time to eat some of those did you have pizza nuggets for lunch because i did and they were really good, and I'm all like hey that sounds like such a great idea and then maybe after we can go to that big dip thing where all the rain water sits for days after it rains in front of that creepy old guys' house and we can float pine cones in it like a little pond and we'll call them ships and noids and we can play that until we get bored of it and then get some big thick blades of grass and put them between our thumbs and blow on them and make that weird like dying duck noise and make people in the neighborhood confused as to WHAT THE FUCK ALL THAT RUCKUS IS and then we'll laugh and run back to my house and maybe make a few water balloons and pla which is like a quicker more intense and requires running version of hide and seek with Russia and Italy and then mom will be all like fucking get inside it's time for dinner and you'll be like nooooo mom let us play for a little while longer and she says 10 more minutes and you get excited but then se starts talking to Hungary from down the street and before you know it you get like 30 extra minutes and it's super great and you're like haha mom you said 10 minutes but then you realize that she won't stop talking to Joanna and now your friend is gone home for dinner and you're actually getting kind of hungry so you're like, moooommmmm come on I don't want to listen to your old lady banter anymore this is boorrring I want to go play with my gerbil I have shit to do, and then when you finally drag her home you go and eat grilled cheeses for dinner with some soup because it's really fast to make and oh look full house is on and then oh my god I'm getting really tired just kidding I'm asleep. WHAT ARE THIS. Avalanches of carrot branches. Kiss me , kiss me, you want my asshole. With Love, Prussia 3


	5. Germany's Letter to Prussia

Hey hey Prussia dog version is gay and he loves boys so much and he wags his tail all excited when he sees the boy doggies and he gets his little nose all up in their peepee weewee thing thing and is like why i am i always the smallest meeble in the doggy park? And he gets sad for like maybe one millisecond but then he remembers how much straight fuckin swag he has and he turns his little butt around into the dog's face and is like, sniff that motherfucker, that's what a real man smells like, and then the doggy does and marbles lets him do it for a minute and then will turn back around really quickly and puffs his little man chest up and is like, hey hey that's enough, I'm a fucking man and I let you test drive it but if you want the real thing you're gonna have to court the shit out of me. So then they run and play and meeble is always behind the other dogs because he is not very fast and is also a mommas boy and likes to stand by my feet but then he gets his confidence up and makes sure to bark at some small unassuming child that's just minding their own business and playing with a stick or something and then he goes back into the middle of the dog park and makes sure everyone sees him and tells them all to go fuck themselves, I'm the littlest and the loudest and can't nobody fuck with me because let me tell you something, I may not have my balls anymore but when I did, maaaaaan they were fuckin huge! You would all be so embarrassed and I need a real man in my life none of this sissy shit, somebody step up and impress me. And he just sort of looks at all the girl dogs like, pshhhh, I'm so manly I don't even fuck with chicks, I only fuck other men. And all the dogs give him his space because he clearly runs everything and then he sends little ESP messages through their dog brains to do things like go get him croissants and berries and maybe an espresso if he's in the mood, preferably a double but he'll do with a single, and that occasionally even though he's a man he enjoys receiving flowers and balloons that say things like, yayyyy meeble! and woah so many giraffes here! because that's what real men like so the other dogs do it and then his tail gets all fluffy because he's excited and he hasn't found a boyfriend yet but I'm sure he will, he's just too busy being a single little man at the moment because he's sexy and he knows it. GIRL DOGS ARE MADE OF GIRL STUFF. Bananas. Love me, say Say dat u love me, tell me what I want to hear, tell me you love my hairy ass. Love, Germany 3


End file.
